Friday Fictioneers – Surprise!

1 03 2013

Hello again from grey, cold West Dorset. I’m not a winter person, I’m really looking forward to the return of the sun and a bit of warmth! You’ll be pleased to hear that I’ve finished painting the local library, and so hopefully will get a bit more time to read all your wonderful stories this week.

So, without further ado, here is my latest contribution to Friday Fictioneers – 100 words of fiction related to a photo prompt. Have a go!

Copyright Beth Carter

 

Surprise!

After risking my life night after night in a freezing B-17 over Nazi Germany, I thought I deserved a decent homecoming. All I got was a surprise Dear John letter taped to the door.

She’d taken everything: my furniture, my car, my memories. All she left was a pile of rusty junk out back.

I suppose I’m lucky to be alive; but I’ve got no job. I still have my old house; but no girl.

So here I sit, with my pile of rusty junk. Piecing it together bit by bit. Building myself a patchwork car for my patchwork life.

 



Advertisements

Actions

Information

33 responses

1 03 2013
Sandra

What a lovely line that is ; ‘a patchwork car for my patchwork life’. Well done, you captured the sense of desertion so well.

1 03 2013
writeondude

Thanks Sandra.

1 03 2013
yarnspinnerr

Excellent 🙂

1 03 2013
writeondude

Thank you.

1 03 2013
Scriptor Obscura

This is really good. I hope you won’t mind, but your story sort of reminded me of this little WW2-related Irish short film, less than 10 minutes long. Think you might be interested to watch it. Its called The German, and its really really good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36eLp9XGNjs

1 03 2013
writeondude

Thank you, and thanks for the link. It was good..

1 03 2013
Trudy

Lovely story, I agree with Sandra about ‘a patchwork car for my patchwork life’ – that line really works.

1 03 2013
writeondude

Thanks. It was just a random line that came into my head while I was thinking about the picture. The rest of the story just followed on after that.

1 03 2013
elappleby

Like the other commenters, I love the last line. A sad story, brilliantly written.

1 03 2013
writeondude

Thank you.

1 03 2013
Bee

What a poignant story, and like the other commenters, I absolutely love that last line.

1 03 2013
claireful

A sad story, with a fantastic last line.
Claire

1 03 2013
t

I’m on board with the others concerning the last line, well done!

1 03 2013
unspywriter

Ah, very sad, but a wonderful use of the prompt. I agree–the last line is very poignant.

Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/eye-of-the-beholder/

1 03 2013
carolynpageabc

Oh, I really for sorry for this guy. You captured his dismay beautifully..

1 03 2013
annisik51

This guy has my admiration. Already a war hero, he’s heroically patching his life together. I’m sure, after this story, some beautiful lady came along and they patched their lives together. Ah! Ann x

1 03 2013
sustainabilitea

I also liked the line about taking his memories. But I think he’s going to make it, with his house and his patchwork car and, as Ann said, he’ll find someone better who appreciates him.

janet

2 03 2013
Beth Carter

Love “building a patchwork car for his patchwork life.” And what a sad story. She’s a real bitch–unless he did something horrible that you haven’t told us. 😉

2 03 2013
Beth Carter

Oops. Darn phone duplicated this. It couldn’t have been me! Feel free to delete.

2 03 2013
lingeringvisions

Yes, that is a good line.

2 03 2013
train-whistle

it seems unanimous. I like that line as well. you portrayed the sense of longing and lonliness well.

2 03 2013
kz

“patchwork car for my patchwork life.” really nice line. so sad, feel so bad for him. well done

2 03 2013
rochellewisoff

Dear Pete,
Poor guy. What a thing to come home to after serving his country. I hope he builds his patchwork car and runs her over with. Nonetheless, a well written, evocative story.
Shalom,
Rochelle

2 03 2013
David Stewart

“a patchwork car for my patchwork life” That’s a perfect line.
Hopefully driving that car will be safer than doing bombing runs in a B-17. 🙂

2 03 2013
deanabo

This is really good. You wrote his emotion well.

2 03 2013
bridgesareforburning

Hi Pete,
Those photos do look 1940s. Interesting and different take on the prompt. Well done. Ron

2 03 2013
tedstrutz

Sounds like a broken man in need of a plan. I like how you made the B-17 freezing… as they were. It was a nice detail.

3 03 2013
rich

considering he survived nazi germany, i think he will survive this easily. well done.

3 03 2013
C. Patrick

I agree, excellent last line. The whole piece is very lyrical.

3 03 2013
Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

Great story… Wonder if it’s the same John we are writing about. Could be a prequel to my last week entry. 🙂

3 03 2013
Parul

That’s so sad!
I really liked the phrase: “a patchwork car for my patchwork life”

5 03 2013
glossarch

I really liked this story. Your word choices were apt, and you sketched a novel in just a handful of phrases. I think this is one of the best Friday Fictioneers I’ve ever read.

6 03 2013
writeondude

Wow, not sure what to say to that. A very humble ‘thank you’ I think.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: