Friday Fictioneers

2 11 2012

Hello again. It’s Friday and time for another 100 word piece of flash fiction based on a photo prompt. Ably organised by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Have a go, it’s fun. Just write something on your own blog, click on the blue froggy thing down below, and then click on the bit at the bottom of that to add the URL of your post. Simples!

Comments welcome, I’m here to learn.

Copyright Ted Strutz

Teenage Kicks

I watched the Goths pouring into the night market: a black cloud descending hungrily onto the brightly lit stalls. They strutted around in their black clothes and their crushed velvets, blood red lips shining out like beacons from alabaster skin. Freaky vampire wannabes. They tried on the latest cool sunglasses and laughed too loudly at the flying bat toys. Just a bunch of anxious teenagers banding together in mutual insecurity.

I work on the camera stall, so took some snaps of the group. I can see the shoppers in the pictures, but the Goths . . . don’t appear.



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35 responses

2 11 2012
Joanna (Lazuli Portals Trilogy)

Ha, love it! Great shift from the assumption in the first paragraph to the realisation in the second. Thanks for your comment on ours, you beat me to it. 🙂

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thanks, Joanna. I know at least one of you comes from Cornwall. Ever crawled through the Men an Tol?

3 11 2012
Joanna (Lazuli Portals Trilogy)

Ron’s the Cornishman, but I’m a Somerset lass. I’ll try to remember to ask him! 🙂

2 11 2012
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Hmmmm. Sorting the real ones from the wannabes. How clever of him.

3 11 2012
writeondude

I think he was as surprised as we all were.

2 11 2012
Sandra

Oh I think they will…. Nicely spooky, loved it.

3 11 2012
writeondude

Well it was Halloween. Thanks, Sandra.

2 11 2012
Charles Oyeleke Williams

Well done on this and your effort to tell a story about our often skewed perception of life…

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thank you.

2 11 2012
elmowrites

The voice in this piece is fantastic – you capture his scathing view of the goths perfectly, then flip it on its head in the final lines. Twists are all the rage this week – all good for a fan of them like me!

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thanks.

2 11 2012
Mridula

Well written

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thank you.

3 11 2012
Mridula

Never mind!
If you can leave your opinion about my short story in that link, thanks

2 11 2012
Debra Kristi

Ha ha! I can picture it. Nicely done. That’s one smart photographer. Neat little twist there at the end.

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thanks Debra, I liked yours a lot too. If Thor ever wants to revisit England . . .

2 11 2012
brudberg

Very well done 🙂 and we seem to have similar thoughts. And I love alabaster skin. Well done.

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thanks.

3 11 2012
Parul

Very nicely done!
Love this line – “a black cloud descending hungrily onto the brightly lit stalls.”

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thank you, Parul. Two bonus points to anyone who can tell me the significance of the word ‘cloud’ in this sentence??

3 11 2012
rich

excellent. but i think it could be “excellenter” if you take back the words “don’t appear” and let us fill that in ourselves. there was enough of a suggestion already, but it’s still excellent either way.

3 11 2012
writeondude

I like that idea, thanks for the pointer.

3 11 2012
everydayclimb

Great word choice. ” . . . a black cloud descending hungrily onto the brightly lit stalls.” Like it all.

3 11 2012
writeondude

Thanks. But what about that word ‘cloud’, any ideas why I used it? Hmmm?

3 11 2012
dmmacilroy

Dear Pete,

Happy vampires trying on sunglasses. No wonder they were amused. I liked the soft tone of this story and the final reveal. Spooky, subtle and a warning not to dismiss anything out of hand. You never know.

Aloha,

Doug

3 11 2012
kindredspirit23

Yes, loved squashed assumptions!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/friday-fictioneers-6/

4 11 2012
vb holmes

“pouring into the night market: a black cloud descending hungrily” I’ll take a guess–it was the cameraman’s assumption that they were “Freaky vampire wannabes” while in reality, they actually were dark spirits costumed as vampires who had descended, batlike, en masse,, from above, ergo: no photographic images .

5 11 2012
writeondude

Got it in one.

4 11 2012
tedstrutz

The ‘cloud’ was a group of vampires flying in as bats and changing to human form… But, I see vb beat me to it. I still want the points.

Good story!

5 11 2012
writeondude

Pretty much. See also my comment to Lora below.

5 11 2012
Lora

I’m not much for vampire or vampire stories however I enjoyed this. Hey, Dude…don’t keep us guessing…are we going to get your explanation for ‘cloud’…? I like Holmes and Teds versions.

5 11 2012
writeondude

The significance of the word ‘cloud’ is that apparently – along with colony – it is the collective noun for bats. ie. A cloud of bats.

5 11 2012
Abraham

Nicely done!

6 11 2012
Shirley McCann

Freaky. Loved it.

11 11 2012
wmqcolby

Yes! Nice job.

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