Friday Fictioneers

12 10 2012

Hello again, I’m back for another bout of Friday Fiction writing. Very hard this week to avoid lapsing into fan fiction as this picture made me think of Mos Eisley Spaceport from Star Wars. Not sure how well fan fiction goes down on Fridays, probably best for me to avoid it otherwise you’ll just get Star Wars & Star Trek every week! I seem to remember that English lessons at school were a bit like that. Regardless of the theme, I always managed to write to science fiction story that fit!

Constructive criticism welcome, I’m here to learn.

Photo by Jan Morrill

Just Medals and Scars

The young marine ran hard through mazelike alleys. Skidding to a sudden halt on the sandy ground, he crouched down with his back to the hot wall. Cold sweat tickled his skin as he took deep breaths.

Hand signals flickered. He jumped to his feet and headed right, buddy close behind guarding their rear.

Another junction, another pause.

Unable to see round the sharp stone corner, the marine took a deep breath and swung around it quickly raising his rifle to eye-level as he did so.

Framed in his sights – and only yards away – was an enemy rifle pointing right back at him.



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26 responses

12 10 2012
Sandra

Very tense, and that movement swinging round the corner into the gun was perfectly described. Nicely done.

12 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you, Sandra.

12 10 2012
unspywriter

Tense and realistic, and the photo does remind us of Mos Eisley. Good, pertinent story.

Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/disharmony/

12 10 2012
writeondude

I’m not the adventurous type, but I did make it to your blog.

12 10 2012
Parul

Gripping!
And your ending is perfect! Keeps the reader begging for more!
You seem to have played a lot of FPS games! Counter-strike perhaps? 🙂

12 10 2012
writeondude

Can’t keep up with those, but I have watched my son play Uncharted which seems to involve a lot of shooting. I’ll stick to Lego Pirates of the Caribbean on the Wii.

12 10 2012
bridgesareforburning

Hi Dude,
Good dramatic action sequence and very timely considering the ongoing wars in Afghanistan and Syria. I liked the way you left the ending at a climatic point and unresolved. Ron

12 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you Ron. We are just a product of our times. Some people look at this prompt and think about the sunny Mediterranean, Rich and I seem to think about dusty middle-eastern wars. (Or Star Wars).

12 10 2012
sustainabilitea

All too real and timely with a you-decide ending. My husband plays lots of games and they all have scenes like this (and that’s not meant in any way to denigrate the job you did here.)

12 10 2012
writeondude

I’m too old for those games, they leave me shaking, so it certainly wasn’t inspired by that. It was just the first thing that came to mind. Somalia maybe, not sure.

12 10 2012
sustainabilitea

Many of the games seemed to be plucked from real life and then (hopefully) exaggerated. I hope you didn’t take that as a put-down of your story, as I didn’t mean it as such. 🙂 Somalia and similar places are worse, as they’re real!

12 10 2012
Anne Orchard

I liked the way you kept the action moving at as fast a pace as the marine. Also the contrast of the hot wall followed by the cold sweat. Well done.

12 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you.

12 10 2012
Kathy McClure

Very breathtaking. I really appreciate when those who can write strong action get the chance to let loose like this.

13 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you, Kathy. I’m just starting out really, trying different styles where I can just for the practice. Nice to know I’m making some progress.

13 10 2012
Lora

Too realistic for me. Makes me pray even harder for our soldiers. Now they are being picked off one by one by the Afghan army they trained. It makes me sick.

13 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you, I’ll take ‘realistic’ as a compliment. In fact I take any comment as a complement, I sleep better that way. As for the subject matter, we all hope they’ll be home soon.

13 10 2012
rochellewisoff

Not sure I want to know what happens next. Terrifyingly real. Good build of tension.
I’m #17 this week.

13 10 2012
writeondude

Thank you, Rochelle.

13 10 2012
tedstrutz

I liked Hand signals flickered. I hope he pulled the trigger.

13 10 2012
rich

shoot! shoot! i hope he did. well done.

13 10 2012
The Writers Village

great story….

13 10 2012
billgncs

interesting how this invoked so many images of war. Perhaps it is in our psyche now. But a good story.

13 10 2012
brudberg

Who shoots whom? Does it matter in reality?

15 10 2012
Abraham

Nicely done! And it does leave us waiting (begging?) for more!

16 10 2012
031 – Weekend « Baba Amor's Thoughts

[…] It is very interesting to see the wide variety of themes prompted by the same photo. From war scenes, to chores, to breakups, to romantic poetry. I really liked this one. You can  find more links in […]

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